Building Relationships

Scaffold cooperative play through small groups (2-3 children) rather than large ones, and through role-play contexts with defined roles. Board games with simple rules provide a highly structured scaffold for turn-taking within an emotionally engaging context. Resist the urge to always intervene in social difficulties — allow children to attempt resolution first, intervening with open questions ('What could you do?') before directive suggestions. Explicitly teach and rehearse the language of cooperative play: 'Can I join in?', 'It's your turn', 'Let's take turns', 'I have an idea — what do you think?'

Turn-taking in a simple bilateral context (passing a ball) is significantly easier than turn-taking within complex cooperative play (sustaining a shared role-play scenario). Children who can pass the ball without dispute may still struggle with the latter — these are related but distinct capabilities. Also, children who choose solitary or parallel play are not necessarily failing to develop social skills — some children recharge through quieter independent play and this is developmentally normal.

EYFS PSED/social concept — requires emotionally attuned adult for social-emotional development.

Assign key persons meaningfully and protect key-person time. Warm, genuine, attentive interactions are the foundation — not activities or resources. Be especially attentive to children who show signs of insecure attachment patterns: avoidant (do not seek adults when distressed), anxious/ambivalent (highly distressed on separation, difficult to comfort), or disorganised (show confusing or contradictory attachment behaviours). The latter is a risk indicator and should prompt consultation with the SENCO or designated safeguarding lead. Do not discourage children from forming preferences for particular adults — this is healthy attachment behaviour, not favouritism.

Secure attachment is sometimes assumed to mean the child does not show distress at separation. In fact, protest at separation from a familiar carer followed by settling and comfort-seeking from the key person is a sign of secure (not insecure) attachment. Children who show no distress at all in any context may be displaying avoidant patterns that warrant attention.

EYFS PSED/social concept — requires emotionally attuned adult for social-emotional development.

Build perspective-taking explicitly through books, role-play, and structured discussion. Ask 'What do you think she is feeling? Why?' and 'What might he be thinking?' Validate and celebrate spontaneous acts of empathy when you observe them. Story books where the same events are narrated from multiple characters' perspectives are a powerful tool. Be aware that empathy development can be temporarily suppressed by the child's own distress or threat-response — a dysregulated child is not able to access empathy at that moment, and expecting them to do so is developmentally inappropriate. Empathy should never be weaponised ('How do you think that makes her feel?') as a shaming technique.

Empathy and sympathy are often confused. Empathy involves resonating with and trying to understand the other's experience; sympathy involves responding from one's own perspective. Children (and adults) often offer solutions ('Here, have my toy') when empathy (sitting with the distress, acknowledging it) is what is needed. Both are appropriate at different times, and children benefit from learning to distinguish them.

EYFS PSED/social concept — requires emotionally attuned adult for social-emotional development.